Remembering You Is Easy
by thepossibiltyforjoy
Summary: It's May 11th, another Mother's Day without Johanna, but this ones different. -Thinking this is going to be a one shot at this point in time, but could go on. Rating currently at K *subject to change* Romance/ Family/ Hurt& Comfort.
1. Remembering You Is Easy

***The moment that you died  
My heart was torn in two,  
one side filled with heartache,  
The other died with you. **

**I often lay awake at night  
When the world is fast asleep, and  
Take a walk down memory lane,  
With tears upon my cheeks. **

**Remembering you is easy.  
I do it everyday,  
But missing you is heartache  
That never goes away. **

**I hold you tightly in my heart  
And there you will remain.  
Until the joyous day arrives,  
That we will meet again.***

* * *

Tossing and turning in bed Beckett just can't seem to sleep. Her thoughts are consistently drifting to memories of her and Johanna. Mother's Day was always hard for Beckett ever since the murder, but this one seemed just as hard as the first anniversary of her death. Most of this was probably because Bracken had finally been brought to justice. Thinking back to the day when she finally placed the handcuffs on him, still sends shivers down her spine. It still hasn't sunk in that after so many years, she's finally 'put this thing to rest'.

A hand coming to rest on her lower abdomen soon brings Beckett out of her spine tingling thoughts. Beckett looks over at her half asleep/ half awake, ruggedly handsome fiancé, laying on his stomach, right arm and hand supporting the weight of his drowsy face.

"_You okay Kate?" _He asks as his hand is running soothingly over her stomach._  
_

Beckett didn't even know where to begin. How is she meant to tell the man that she loves so much, that she's struggling? That even though it's been so many years she still can't get through these days, she can't cope with the Mother's Day ads on TV, she can't cope leaving where she is, only to go see the one person who matters most on this day. It's all too much, she can't begin to find the words, so she sticks to what she knows.

_"I'm fine, Castle"_

_"Kate, it's okay not to be okay. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling on days like this. Every small minute thing you do today, will bring back some memory of her, it could be a song, a book, a picture, a word, who knows. I know that it will cause you too break. I know it will make you happy, it'll make you smile and it'll make you cry, and that's perfectly fine. No-one said you ever had to be strong. I never want you to ever hide your feelings Kate, I love you. I don't care if you want to scream and punch me whilst you're crying, I don't care if you tell me to piss off. I don't care, all I care about is you and how you are feeling."_

This amazing man. She could never find the words to say just how amazing he really is.

_"You're an amazing man, Rick. Where do I even begin? I wake up feeling so shit. Words fail me Rick. I can't even begin to explain just how much I miss her, even with our up coming wedding I miss her. I'll miss her when I first fall pregnant. She was truly amazing Rick, she was one-of-a-kind, she never held back, she fought for what she believed in even if it did get her killed. Her smile was contagious, it just lit up the room, her compassion, her understanding. Castle, it was truly incredible. She had such a positive attitude and a constant smile. The way she looked at Dad, there were no other words than true love. The glances they shared, the laughter, it was all pure magic. Knowing that she's gone is easier to deal with some days compared to others. I sometimes think I'm living in a nightmare and I'll awake at any moment. I'm consistently like "Mom would love this" and I'd go to call her and halfway through dialing her number I'd realize she's gone. She would have loved you Castle. If I could be anything like her, be half the mother she was, I'd die happy. I never want to let her down, I can't let her down"._

Kate was shedding tears down her flushed face. Rick was speechless, what could he say to take his fiance's pain away? He sat up, grabbed her around her waist, drawing her closer, just holding her whilst she broke. Kate curled into Rick, getting as close possible without it being uncomfortable. He cuddled her close, running his fingers through her hair, whispering words of love against her temple. Trying to be the solid ground she needed at this time.

_"She's proud of you, wherever she is. She's proud."_

Kate looked up at the man holding her, she simply kissed him before moving away from him.

_"Rick, I want to take you somewhere, I don't want you to think that I'm crazy. I want you to realise that what I'm about to do is a big thing for me and today there is no-one else I'd rather go with or share this moment, or any moment in the near future with. I love you Rick. Now get dressed, be ready in ten"._

No sooner had she finished her sentence, Kate was dressed, she had her teeth brushed and headed into the kitchen for a much-needed coffee. She thought about having it here, but decided two travelers were the way to go. No sooner had she finished making the coffees to go, Rick had emerged from the bedroom wearing black suit pants and a blue button up. Beckett smiled softly at the man she was going to spend the rest of her live with.

_"You ready?"_

_"Yeah, let me just grab my coat, your coffee is there too Rick"_

_"Thank you"_

_"Always"_

As soon they had reached the bottom of Rick's apartment building, Beckett was hailing a cab, giving the driver directions as she hopped into the vehicle with Rick. As they started to move Kate laced her finger's with Rick's as they shared soft loving glances at each other. As the cab driver came to a halt, Kate pulled out a $50 note and told the driver to keep the change. Exiting the vehicle Rick saw where Kate had brought him, he stared at her in disbelief.

_"Kate, are you sure you want me here with you, I mean don't get me wrong. I'm happy you brought me here really, but are you sure you're ready?"_

_"Rick, come here. I'm bringing you here, because it's time. I am sharing this with you because we are becoming a family and years from now I want to bring our kids here and share this moment with them. Trust me, I'm ready"._

Grabbing Rick's hand, slowly leading them closer and closer to where she's decided to bring him. Rick notices as her grips tightens, her breath hitches, he can tell she's started crying again. Arriving, Rick wraps his hand around Kate's waist. Kate leans into his shoulder, looking up at him bringing her lips for a soft, sweet kiss. She turns facing her mother's grave.

_"Happy Mother's Day Mom, I'd like to introduce you to the love of my life..."_

* * *

**A/N: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL YOU MOTHERS OUT THERE. To my mum, I miss you loads. I hope you are resting peacefully wherever you may be.  
I still don't know if I will keep this as a one shot or not. I'll leave it up to you guys to sort this out.  
Hope you enjoyed.**

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters used in the story belong to me, they belong to the wonderful Andrew Marlowe.

**Love, always.  
-thepossibilityforjoy. 3**


	2. But missing you is heartache

She's standing in front of the grave, her mother's grave with tears streaming down her face.

_"He's gone mom" _is all she can get out on a cracked, heartbreaking sob.

5 minutes later she tries again.

_"My one and done is gone. Okay maybe not exactly my one and done because of my stupid rebel bexs stage, when we decided to take a cab through a drive through chapel. Ugh. What the hell was I thinking? If I hadn't of done that, then I wouldn't be in the mess I am in now."_

Kate sits down crossing her legs, facing her mother's grave, looking down, she begins again.

_"We found the perfect place for the venue and reception, you would of loved it. Our first dance was going to be "In My Veins by Andrew Belle". Lanie had a stunning dress, an emerald green dress, Martha gave me these earrings to wear, that had been passed through generations. My first dress was given to me from Matilda King, it was beautiful, but it was ruined by a water leak.. but dad gave me your dress to wear. When I wore it mom, it felt like you were there with me. So pretty much all this stuff happened mom, the first dress was ruined, the wedding venue got burnt down and i was married already. We moved the wedding to Hamptons, I eventually got my ex- husband to sign the papers after a huge drama, but let's not go into that. The day of the wedding, Rick was coming with the wedding license and he was only 20 minutes away and some person, someone ran him off the road.. I arrived to the car alight.. But he wasnt there. 2 months mom, 2 months since I felt and kissed him, 2 months and i'm afraid i'll never see him again, but i'm not giving up mom, because he said..._ _**Always.**_


End file.
